How many women have you had sex with? Hardly any other question is so cheating. Because at some point, your partner will ask about your ex-bed stories. How you answer
How many notches do you have in the edge of your bed? How many hot nights are noted in red in your notebook? We guess: none. Because hardly any man keeps a record of his sexual adventures. And if they do, it’s a pretty private affair. But at some point – regardless of whether you’ve just met or are already in a relationship – it still comes up, this question about the number of people you’ve already slept with. Even the most tolerant lady can rarely deny herself curiosity. But what do you answer? Is one honest or does one correct the number up or down?
Why is there so much cheating about the number of sex partners?
There is hardly any other topic that is the subject of so much pressure as the number of sex partners. Only with the weight or the age there are similarly many cheating. The reason is that men or women don’t want to appear to their current partners as people with constantly changing sex partners. On the other hand, too few sex partners could indicate dishonesty or an uptight attitude to life.
Is there even an ideal number of sex partners?
When it comes to what is attractive to a partner, we should adjust the number of our sex partners. Men and women want their partners to have slept with 2 or 3 other partners before them, claim British researchers in a study in the Journal of Sex Research. Subjects’ willingness to enter into a relationship with someone is highest if that person has had 2 sexual partners before. With 3 ex-partners it is somewhat lower. With more than 4 sex partners, the attractiveness decreases. With people who have had sex with more than 15 people, hardly anyone wants to enter into a partnership. The study authors also found that people who separate sex and love want relationship partners who have a lot of experience in bed. Accordingly, someone who does not separate sex and love wants a partner with little sex experience.
And what is the normal number of sex partners on average in a lifetime?
But is the British subjects’ idea realistic? Probably not, because they could not meet their requirements themselves. The surveyed ladies had an average of 6.8 sex partners, the men brought it to 8.4 ex-sex partners. This puts them in the average range. Because according to statistics portal Statista, 21 percent of all people have sexual intercourse with 6 to 10 partners. 17 percent have 2 to 3 sexual partners. Every tenth stated between 11 and 15 bedtime stories. About 5 percent come to more than 30 notches in the bed edge. The famous sandbox love is also confirmed by the study: 10 percent of all people have had sex with only one person in their lives, according to the statistics.
The question of questions: How many people have you slept with?
But why is the answer so tricky? And why do so many women want to know how many people their partner has been intimate with? A survey by a British online pharmacy shows just how serious the curious inquirers are. Out of 2,000 respondents, 30 percent said they would end the relationship if they learned their partner had had many sexual partners. Specifically, for the ladies surveyed, that was more than 15 partners; for men, the tolerance ends at 14 ex-sex partners. In addition, more than 3 quarters of respondents said that the number of sex partners should be discussed in the first 6 months of the relationship.
Should you disclose the number of sex partners?
There is no clear answer to this. Usually, it depends on how long you’ve known the lady and how much you want to reveal about yourself. If you’re only on your second date and find the question about ex-partners awkward, that can be a good reason to keep quiet. Say, “We’re welcome to talk about it, but let’s get to know each other better first.” Even after you get to know each other, it’s legitimate to wrap the cloak of silence around your bedtime stories. Your partner will try to push you to the truth by affirming that the number of ex-partners has nothing to do with your relationship, as long as you protected yourself from STDs. She will say there is nothing to it. And yet, you are under no obligation to butter her up with the number. It is your private matter and maybe you are not sure that your partner will not make a fuss about the information. To avoid an argument, say, “Look, I just don’t want to talk about this. It’s the past and it has nothing to do with us.” If your partner then reacts in an offended manner, you should not retreat. Talk calmly about how this information will help you in your relationship. This can lead to a productive conversation about what is important to both partners in the relationship. After all, there is usually something else behind the curiosity. Maybe she’s afraid that you might cheat on her. However, you can take away this fear without telling her the number of nicks in your bed or even going into spicy details of the individual affairs.
Is it okay to fib about the number of sex partners?
Either completely or not at all! If you decide to come clean with your partner, you have to be consistent. Tweaking the number up or down does not help much. The truth usually comes out at some point. Then you look like a liar and your partner loses trust. If you are afraid that the actual number might seem too high to your partner, start with a few introductory sentences. Explain how the number came about and what these short adventures meant to you. For example, like this, “During college, I went to parties a lot and met a lot of girls. I wanted to let off steam, but those short flings didn’t mean anything to me. I got tired of one-night stands. That was a time in my life that has been closed for quite some time.” Never forget: the number of your ex-partners is part of your history, but it doesn’t explain your whole personality by far. Moreover, the number does not predict whether you will be faithful or unfaithful in your current relationship. If your partner can’t cope with your past, your sweetheart may have a problem of her own, or you may simply not be meant for each other.
Conclusion: Think twice before asking about their exes.
You’ve experienced for yourself how uncomfortable it is to have to explain yourself. That’s why you should think twice before bringing up the subject of exes with your partner. Between you and me, the number really doesn’t tell you anything about how things will be in your partnership. On the contrary, if you ask her out on the very first date, she may secretly insinuate that you’re just checking up on her to see if she’s an easy lay. If you probe later, she might suspect jealousy. As you can see, the topic never really gets off the ground. In a harmonious relationship, partners usually come clean about exes on their own. So be patient if you really want to know who was in your sweetheart’s box before you. But let’s be honest: Do we really want to know?
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